


Sharing Space

by samwellsgays



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Internalised Transphobia, M/M, Panic Attacks, This was kind of just an excuse to get all of my feelings about Trans Dex out, Trans William "Dex" Poindexter, Trans!Dex, and i love them so much, gratuitous pretty woman references, talking through our problems!!! eventually!!!, these boys just love each other very much okay, zimbits mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 10:02:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10717203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samwellsgays/pseuds/samwellsgays
Summary: Dex really didn't consider how moving into the Haus would affect his 'firmly-in-the-closet' status.He also didn't consider the fact that Nursey could be into him.





	Sharing Space

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Okay so this is my first trans Dex fic, which is strange because I've wanted to write one for a LONG time. 
> 
> I myself am trans but I'm AFAB non-binary rather than FTM (which Dex is) which means that I know a fair amount about the processes but not everything so I apologise if I've gotten anything wrong. Please let me know if I have, because I'm really open to learning more and finding out how I can fix my mistakes! 
> 
> Dex is an unreliable narrator (though I mean, isn't everyone?) so keep in mind that some of the things are a bit warped to his perspective. 
> 
> There's also a fair amount of anxiety-related content in this fic, so if that bothers you, please just be careful okay? I think that's all... Enjoy!

Dex was the most disliked out of the frogs.

 

He accepted it in his fourth week at Samwell, when Chowder was being invited over to the Haus to spend time with Bitty, and Nursey was over there every second day to spend time with Ransom and Holster. Where was Dex? In the library. By himself.

 

It wasn’t like he didn’t understand why he wasn’t their favourite. He was that closed off white republican kid in the liberal and expressive environment of Samwell. Dex had just hoped that they wouldn’t be so quick to judge.

 

Besides, he wasn’t really a Republican either, he was just putting the sticker on his laptop to send to his parents back in Maine. They thought he was a Republican and he was willing to let it stay like that. One less reason for them to be disappointed in him.

 

He took the sticker off straight after he got the photo of it. If they’d asked, they would know that. But Dex knew that fact wasn’t so important anymore.

 

Things had changed slightly since then, Dex and Nursey were now in their Sophomore year and getting along better than ever. They still argued and wrestled from time to time, but there was very little chance of death.

 

However, it wasn’t until the moment they were standing in Lardo’s room, arguing over dibs, that Dex realised that he was always going to be the least favourite. Sure, Nursey had helped Lardo out a lot but so had Dex. He’d repaired things in the Haus and brought Lardo all of the spare parts that he came across so that she could use them in her art. He worked his ass off without the intention for dibs, but it hurt to know that unless Bitty had stepped in, she would have picked Nursey.

 

They agreed on flipping a coin to decide who would get the spare room in the Haus, and Dex held his breath as they watched it, moving in slow motion through the air and then landing in the crack of the wooden floorboards, sitting at a perfect ninety-degree angle to the floor.

 

Dex suddenly wished that she had picked Nursey.

 

His stomach had dropped to his knees while his heart was pounding in his throat, making his ears heat up and his vision go just fuzzy enough that he felt like he was watching everything through a television screen. He wasn’t sure whether he was breathing or not, but he supposed that it didn’t matter too much.

 

He’d done so well until now. He’d perfected the way he changed in the locker rooms, moving his shirt off and on again so that no one’s eyes had time to linger, and he’d learned how to avoid the showers at all costs. Dex knew how to leave quickly enough after a game that no one really noticed that he hadn’t stripped down for a shower before. Nursey once mentioned that it was probably internalised homophobia, which made Dex’s skin crawl but he managed to avoid responding.

 

It was better to just avoid it all these days.

 

Of course, sharing a room with Nursey was going to be the iceberg that sunk the titanic. He just didn’t realise until now that staying in the Haus at all would be just as bad.

 

“Dex. I'm going to sleep.” He was pulled out of whatever panic-induced state he'd been in by Lardo who was apparently getting into bed. How long had he been sitting there? Did nobody think to check on him?

 

He silently stood up and nodded, brushing the dust off of his pants and attempting a weak smile in Lardo’s direction. “Sorry for uh, being in the way. Goodnight.”

 

“It's fine Dex, you're okay. Goodnight.” She responded with a genuine soft smile and patted the head of her purple stuffed duck.

 

He headed out the door and got halfway down the corridor before he apparently changed his mind. Dex could vaguely remember his therapist saying something about ‘small steps’ and ‘talking to someone you know you can trust’ first.

 

“Oh, and Lardo?” He poked his head through the door, waiting for their team manager to look up at him. “I’m trans. I just thought I should tell you since the entire team will probably figure it out once I’ve moved in and all.” Dex ignored her confused and surprised expression and walked out again, heading straight for the door and avoiding everyone else in the Haus. He had to get out of there.

 

He wasn’t sure whether it was a weight off of his chest or not, but it was definitely a different feeling as he walked across the campus toward his own dorm, the wind biting at his skin and filling his lungs with ice. It was fine. Everything was fine. In hindsight, he wished that he’d asked Lardo not to tell anyone but he knew she wouldn’t tell anyone. He supposed it wouldn’t matter if she did.

 

That didn’t stop him from avoiding the team for the next week and a half.

 

Dex went to practice and to their games, but he made sure that he went straight back to his dorm or somewhere that the team wouldn’t be afterwards. He ignored the texts and calls from them, as well as simply not answering the two or three times that someone turned up at his door.

 

Maybe if he ignored them, he could become one of the teammates that nobody paid attention to. Maybe he could lose his dibs just by not showing up.

 

It was nearly two weeks after that night when he was caught off-guard by Ford in the library. He had just finished an assignment on one of the computers and had he let his head drop back with a deep sigh when he heard a chair being pulled up beside him.

 

“Hey. I know you’re avoiding the team but technically I’m not affiliated with the team yet so I just wanted to let you know that I’m here if you need to talk.” Dex sat upright again but didn’t say anything so she kept speaking. “I mean, correct me if I’m wrong but you look like you’ve just finished what you came to the library for and I’m finished so we could maybe go get coffee? And talk? Or not talk. Whatever you want to do.”

 

Usually, Dex would say no. Or no. Or tell her to fuck off. But he really just wanted to talk to someone and she seemed to be genuinely concerned about him. Besides, Ford will be his manager for the next few years and he doesn't want to upset her yet.

 

“Yeah. That would be nice, thanks.” He forced a smile in her direction and logged off of the computer before collecting his bag.

 

She nodded but said nothing else and they walked toward Annie’s in silence. He knew that she was waiting for him to say something, but he waited until they'd ordered coffee and sat down at one of the tables before he opened up.

 

“I know I probably seem like the closed off asshole of the group, but I guess that's what I am. So, sorry in advance.” He laughed softly, trying to hide his insecurity with his self-deprecating humour.

 

She was still silent, clearly processing his words as he looked down and picked at his fingernails. It was a bad habit he had but couldn't stop. “I don’t think that. You’re a bit closed off, sure. But you’re not an asshole.”

 

“Thanks.” The silence began to swallow them up again so Dex started to speak. “Have you ever had people jump to conclusions about you? And then you don’t correct them so this idea of who you are just manifests in their head until they’ve constructed this entire version of you that isn’t real?”

 

“Dex.” She raised an eyebrow at him and he realised that he was doing that thing where he forgot that he had white privilege.

 

"Yeah, of course. Sorry." He kept talking after a few minutes, feeling a little more comfortable with sharing now that he was sure she understood in some way. It felt good to get this out in the open.

 

“Like, from the first day at Samwell, the team decided I was this cis straight white republican who was completely intolerant of everyone. And I guess I was, but it wasn’t like I didn’t have my reasons? And I think a lot of the team come from a place where it’s easy to have opinions and think differently, maybe not Bitty so much but still, they don’t get it.” He sighed and used two fingers to massage his temples slowly. “Nursey just thinks I have it so easy and that everything I have today has just been handed to me.”

 

“I don’t want to sound insensitive… But hasn’t it?”

 

“I had to work for months on my uncle’s boat to pay for my hockey gear, and every time one of my sticks break I have to pick up shifts at Annie's or somewhere around here so that I can afford a new one. I know I’m on a scholarship but even then, I can’t afford to come here. And it’s not like I can really complain because my parents had to use my college fund for hormones and surgery. I, um, I haven’t really told anyone on the team, but I’m trans. And gay.” He started counting down from one hundred in his head as soon as the last sentence passed his lips, a coping mechanism that he’d learned to calm himself down.

 

“Oh. Okay, yeah I see how that’s hard. I’m sorry. And Will? I’m always here to help in any way I can. If you need financial help or even… Even just to talk.”

 

“Thanks. I guess sometimes I’d really just appreciate if they took it into account when they decide to have compulsory trips to see Jack’s games or go to the fair or really when they organise any group activities, you know?”

 

* * *

 

 

Dex had to admit that Ford was a really good listener and she was already becoming a wonderful friend. He was moving all of his boxes into the Haus a week before school started back, listening to music and figuring out which parts of the room worked best for different types of storage. He had arrived at Samwell the day before Nursey intentionally, ensuring that they weren’t getting in each other’s way since he had boxes piling up all over the room.

 

It also meant that he was able to take off his shirt to move the furniture and items around in the hot room without sweating too much.

 

He caught a glimpse of his body in the mirror when he had just started unfolding clothes to hang in his wardrobe and smiled to himself. Most of the scarring on his chest had gone, and he was muscular enough now that the ridges in his chest hid the scars fairly well. He had a light smattering of hair across his pecs and leading down past the waistband of his jeans that he was also fairly proud of, and he let himself admire the body he once thought he’d never have.

 

“Don’t stare too long, you might get hard and I don’t want you christening our bunk bed.” Dex hit his head on the wardrobe when he spun around to look at Nursey who was standing at the door. Of course, he couldn’t let Dex have one day. Dex panicked for a second as he tried to decide whether or not to put a shirt back on, but he decided that it was fine. It wasn’t like they’d notice, and if they did it was going to have to happen anyway.

 

“Shut up. I thought you were coming down tomorrow?”

 

“Yeah, I changed my mind. It’s chill.” Nursey had this mischievous glint in his eye, and Dex realised that the only reason he was here was to irritate Dex into leaving the Haus before classes started back.

 

Dex wasn’t going to let him win, so he just shrugged and kept moving boxes around. “Okay, well I’m unpacking so if you want to move your stuff in, don’t hesitate.” Nursey nodded and left, and it took Dex a few moments to realise that he had left two of his packers on top of a box because he hadn’t yet decided where to put them.

 

Nursey definitely thought they were sex toys.

 

He didn’t get interrupted for the rest of the afternoon and managed to pack all of his things into the designated half of the room he was given. There were a few spare shelves which he was happy about, and he left the room to wander out to the kitchen shirtless. Somewhere between folding his shirts in a draw and putting his shoes in the bottom of his wardrobe, he decided that his approach to living in the Haus would be to just do what he wants.

 

He realised that he wasn’t afraid of them finding out anymore, he knew the team well enough to know that they wouldn’t treat him any differently. He was also more confident in himself than he’d ever been. Dex was no longer that scared kid who would flinch at the words “gay” or “trans”, rather he just didn’t want to go through the work of coming out. There were always so many questions and raised eyebrows.

 

He’d decided that not saying anything and letting the team figure out at their own pace would be the perfect way to come out.

 

The answering whistle that came from Ransom as he entered the kitchen didn’t hurt either.

 

“What are you guys doing here? I thought when people graduated college they actually… Left.” He jumped up onto the counter and smirked at Ransom and Holster.

 

“We thought we’d be nice and help you guys move into your dorms.” Holster huffed, making Dex feel slightly bad for questioning their appearance at the Haus.

 

“Also Ollie and Wicks found a bunch of our old stuff and they wanted us to come get it.” Ransom admitted, leaving Holster looking a little betrayed. Dex’s guilt disappeared as quickly as it had manifested.

 

“That too.” He mumbled and quickly changed the subject. “So what’s with the sudden shirtlessness? You trying to kill Nursey or something?”

  
“Ha ha, very funny.” Dex did not understand that Holster was trying to suggest that Nursey was attracted to him, and just assumed that he’d meant that Dex was getting rid of blood stains or something. “I just feel good and I want to show off my chest. I paid a lot of money for it, so why not?” He hopped off the counter and ignored the confused glance that the other two shared as he started making himself a sandwich.

 

 

* * *

 

 

No one noticed.

 

Well, if they did, they didn’t say anything about it.

 

Two months after they moved into the Haus, Nursey and Dex were tolerating one another just fine and they were officially in charge of their first kegster. Ollie and Wicks were supposed to host it but they decided that they’d rather Nursey and Dex do it. Something about homework and an ex-Samwell goalie.

 

Dex had somehow allowed Nursey to persuade him into doing a keg stand sometime through the night, though he wasn’t sure how successful it ended up being. One of Nursey’s hands was on the inside of his thigh and the other on his waist, holding him up and it felt so nice that Dex almost forgot to drink the beer. He didn’t though, and he managed to get a fair amount of the liquid down before Nursey slipped and nearly dropped him. He didn’t notice until he was standing up again that his packer had slipped slightly out of place, making it both uncomfortable and strange to look at.

 

He laughed and waved off Nursey’s apologies, kissing him on the cheek and thanking him for not killing him and then announcing that he had to go and put his “dick back in place”. Maybe he was a bit more drunk than he’d like to admit.

 

It was only when he reached the bathroom that everything came rushing toward him and the walls felt like they were collapsing on him. He liked Nursey, a lot. He had since their first day at Samwell.

 

But he had never thought that Nursey might like him.

 

He had never thought that Nursey might change his mind if he found out.

 

Memories of “I just don't think I could date a trans person” and “it's nothing personal, it's just not what I’m attracted to” and “I can't believe you've lied to me like this” bounced off the tiled floor and Dex collapsed, panic washing over him.

 

He heard a knock on the door and opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out except a loud whimper. There were people speaking on the other side although their voices were warped and painful to focus on, so he didn't realise that Nursey had come inside until he had a hand on his knee and words slowly grounding him.

 

“Dex. Dex are you okay? Just take deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth. We need to get you out of here and somewhere safer, can I carry you? Is that okay? Dex?”

 

He managed to nod, desperately trying to breathe and follow Nursey’s instructions before he was being lifted off of the floor bridal style and carried through the hallway toward their shared bedroom.

 

He’d deny it any other day, but he tucked his head into Nursey’s shoulder and closed his eyes tightly, breathing in his scent and allowing himself to drown in the feeling of Nursey holding him.

 

Neither of them are really sure how they managed to fit together in the bottom bunk of that bed, but when Dex woke in the morning, he was wrapped up in Nursey’s body with arms around his waist and legs tangled with his own. He couldn’t remember all of what happened the night before but he knew that a lot of it had been terrible and that if the stirring in his stomach was any indication, he’d had way too much to drink.

 

Any tender and kind plan he’d had to wake Nursey up went out the window when Dex lurched from the bed and sprinted to the bathroom, falling to his knees and closing his eyes tightly as he emptied his stomach into the toilet bowl. He felt hot tears make tracks down his cheekbones before a warm body settled behind his, one hand rubbing his back and the other carding through his hair. Dex tried to focus on how nice it felt but he lurched forward again, throwing up a second and then a third time. He eventually calmed down and allowed himself to slump against Nursey’s chest.

 

“Can we talk?” Dex was brushing his teeth and his body froze when he heard the words leave Nursey’s lips, his mind rushing to all of the possibilities that could follow. He spat toothpaste into the sink and washed his brush before turning to look at Nursey.

 

“I just want you to know that there is no way to ask that question without sending someone into a spiral of panic. But I mean, yeah sure.” Dex put away his brush and hopped up on the counter as he moved to let Nursey freshen up a little for the morning. “Do you want to talk here or in our room or in the kitchen?” Both of their stomachs sprung to life at the mention of food and they laughed, their conversation taking a rain check as they went down through the Haus to find something edible.

 

Bitty was at Jack’s for the weekend so they had to follow the instructions left behind, Dex bustling around the kitchen to start preparing breakfast for everyone. Eggs, bacon, french toast, pancakes, sausages. The rest of the team slowly made their way down to the kitchen, in differing states of hungover, and Dex just felt bad for them. He was glad that he’d decided to make food for them rather than forcing everyone to go to the dining hall. Besides, he found it rather calming to cook for them. He didn’t have the patience for baking, but cooking breakfast came easily to him after a lifetime of making Saturday morning meals for his family back in Maine.

 

He finally put all of the food on the table and settled down in his usual chair next to Nursey, putting all of his breakfast onto his plate and starting to tuck in. Ransom and Holster came down moments after and Dex suddenly remembered that they had been there the night before. It was the first kegster they’d attended since leaving Samwell, and Bitty had let them crash in his room overnight.

 

Nursey clearly wasn’t expecting them to come in at that moment, because he looked up from where he was pouring syrup over his pancakes, spilling it all over Dex’s shirt.

 

“Oh shit oh my god Dex I’m so sorry okay I’ll get a cloth just lift your arms so I can help you get the shirt off and we can soak it right away.” Dex tried not to think too hard as he let Nursey undress him before he went to the kitchen to get a wet cloth and help him wipe down.

 

“I never noticed that scar Dex, have you always had it?” Holster was looking at one of the scars on his chest, a two-inch long portion that had clearly shown when he lifted his arms and blushed bright red. He looked at Holster and then at the other members of the table, some of whom were trying to ignore him desperately and others who were looking at him curiously.

 

Dex heard his chair hit the ground as he was running out of the room, and didn’t stop to look back until he’d locked himself in the bathroom. He had to know that they’d ask eventually, that one of them would see something and not realise what they were seeing until it was too late, but he never actually thought about what he’d do if they asked.

 

There was a gentle knock on the door and he frowned slightly, tucking his knees up to his chest and burying his face there.

 

“Go away.”

 

“Dex, please? We need to have that conversation now.”

 

“Go away.” He repeated, unable to think of any other words in the moment.

 

“Fine, but I’ll be in our room and I’m not leaving until you come and talk to me. Holster feels really bad and he wants to apologise by the way, it wasn’t cool and he didn’t realise but he’s really sorry.” There was silence and Dex didn’t say anything, letting his head fall backwards and hit the tiled wall. The irony of him being in this position last night wasn’t lost on him, but he didn’t really want to think about that.

 

“Thanks.” He mumbled simply and heard Nursey sigh before retreating down the hallway and up the stairs.

 

He didn’t know how long he’d been in there since his phone was left on the kitchen bench, but he eventually fell asleep against the tile. Dex woke with a start and had to take a moment to look around himself, trying to remember the events of the morning as well as the dream, or rather nightmare, that he’d just been having. He remembered the former but not the latter, and decided that it was time to face the problems head on.

 

He worked the knots out of his neck and shoulders before washing his face in the sink and carefully opening the door. His heart lurched up to his throat and tears started welling up in his eyes when he saw Nursey sleeping in front of the door, clearly having waited for him to come out rather than going to his room like he’d said. It just hurt Dex more knowing that if Nursey knew the full truth, he may never speak to him again, much less care so much.

 

He crept past the sleeping boy, glad that Nursey was a deep sleeper, and made his way down to the kitchen to grab his phone. He froze when he realised that Chowder was in the adjoining lounge room with Ransom and Holster, leaning against the wall to hear what they were talking about.

 

“Did you see Nursey’s face though? I don’t know what he was thinking but it was terrifying. I swear he was going to kill someone. I’ve never seen that guy so angry.” Ransom’s words weren’t helping to calm the storm of anxiety building in Dex’s stomach but he managed to swallow those emotions and keep listening to the conversation.

 

“I mean, I knew a little while ago but I didn’t know whether to say something or not. I guess it had to happen eventually. I just really hope he’s okay, I love him so much and I hate seeing him so sad.” Chowder had an unusually sad lilt to his voice and it made Dex’s chest ache. Even though they were talking about him as though he wasn’t there which he usually hated.

 

“I had absolutely no idea. Not that it’s something you can know but… Fuck I just feel so bad. I only saw a small part of the scar and I thought it’d be like the one I have under my arm that has that cool fishing story attached to it. I never would’ve… If I’d known…”

 

Dex didn’t know what compelled him to move but he was suddenly walking forward, moving to pull Holster off the couch and into a tight hug. Tears were rolling down his cheeks and he was very aware that he was still shirtless but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

 

“Please don’t blame yourself, it’s okay. I’m sorry.” He mumbled, closing his eyes as Holster hugged him back.

 

“Shit don’t be sorry Dex, it’s fine. You’re totally fine man.” Holster pulled back, holding his shoulders at an arm’s length so that he could look him in the eye. “You are doing okay, right? Is there anything we can do?”

 

“I’m doing fine, thanks for asking though.” He hugged Holster again and turned to Chowder, opening his mouth a few times to speak to him and then eventually just launching himself into his lap where he was still sitting on the couch. “C, thank you for being the best friend in the world.” He mumbled and hugged Chowder even tighter, tears starting to flow again.

 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t have been here for you more.” He mumbled, gripping onto Dex’s waist tightly and hugging him so tightly that he was starting to have trouble breathing.

 

“You were everything you could be. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you earlier.”

 

“Don’t be sorry. It’s completely fine. We all love you so much, okay?” Chowder hugged him once more and Ransom gave him a quick hug afterwards.

 

“We’re always here for you Will, no matter what. Don’t forget that.” He smiled genuinely and the knot in Dex’s stomach started to loosen slightly.

 

“Yeah, now go and wake Nursey up so he’ll stop sleeping outside the bathroom door.” Holster messed up his hair and the knot started to tighten again.

 

“Or I can go tell him if you want to avoid it for a bit. It’s up to you.” Chowder offered sympathetically.

 

“Thanks C, but I think that this is something I need to do.” He put on a gentle smile and went past the kitchen to get his phone before making his way toward the bathroom where he knew Nursey would still be asleep.

 

Dex stopped when he saw that he was in the exact same spot he was in when he left, smiling softly as he took in the calm expression that graced his features before kneeling down to nudge him awake gently.

 

“Nursey?”

 

“Mmmph?” He opened one eye and frowned slightly, waking up slowly before realising where he was and what had happened and getting up so quickly he almost elbowed Dex in the face. “Dex! Oh my god are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine Nurse. Do you want to talk now?”

 

“Yeah. Yeah I do.” Nursey followed him silently to their room, watching as Dex finally got a chance to put a shirt back on and sitting down on one of the beanbags that they’d put in the corner to study in. Dex followed him and sat in the other, twisting his fingers in the hem of his shirt nervously as he waited for Nursey to speak.

 

“So.” Nursey starts and then seems to think better of it, because his rigid composure melts away and he sits back a little. “I just want to say sorry for breakfast. And for last night.” He looked down at his own hands.

 

“It’s fine, it wasn’t your fault.” Dex tries to reassure him and he shakes his head.

 

“I mean it kind of was. If I hadn’t been such a clumsy asshole you wouldn’t have had to–” But Dex silences him with a hand on his knee, bringing Nursey’s attention to his face rather than the train of thought that had clearly been making him upset.

 

“Someone was going to ask something eventually. It was going to come up somehow and I knew that. I just… I don’t think I was as prepared for it as I told myself. I’m fine now but I panicked this morning and last night, and I fled. I’m sorry for not saying anything earlier and for making you worry like that but it’s really not your fault.”

 

“Okay. Okay, yeah I get that. Like, it’s not really anyone’s fault, it was just the fate of the universe.” Dex must have had a disgusted expression on his face at that analogy because Nursey took one look at him and started to laugh softly.

 

“Yeah sure, the fate of the universe.” He rolled his eyes and smiled, resting his head back on the beanbag and looking up at their ceiling where Lardo had previously stuck painted canvases which covered most of the space. They’d begged her to leave them when she left and she obliged with a “you’ll regret it but sure.” Dex didn’t regret it.

 

“Uhh, you know that I’m here for you, right? No matter what.” Nursey broke the silence, causing Dex to tilt his head enough that he could see him. He was also staring at the ceiling, either avoiding Dex’s gaze or studying the painting like he was.

 

“Thanks. Everyone’s been saying that and I mean, it’s nice but it’s kind of…” Dex trailed off, trying to avoid offending or upsetting Nursey. “I appreciate it so much but it’s weird because I’m still the same person you all knew yesterday. Nothing is new for me?” Nursey opened his mouth and he quickly continued before he could get a word in. “Yeah, yeah I get it and I’m so glad that I’ve got such wonderful friends. I guess it’s just strange.”

 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Nursey hummed softly. “I meant if you wanted to talk about what happened at the kegster. Of course I’m here for you if you want to talk about breakfast, but I just… Is there anything I did wrong? Is there any way I can help you if you have another… Panic attack?” He asked softly, his hand hovering in the air as if he was about to run it through Dex’s hair before he let it settle beside him.

 

“Oh.” Dex felt his cheeks heat up. “You handled it perfectly, I just… The alcohol and the fact that you were so… There, and the fact that my packer shifted, and being alone in the bathroom… It kind of all spiralled out of control.” He didn’t realise until after he’d spoken that he’d mentioned Nursey’s involvement. Dex held his breath and hoped that he didn’t bring it up, but also quickly tried to plan how he would backpedal out of that.

 

“Oh, your packer shifted. Right. That makes more sense than ‘oh I need to go put my dick back’ but hey whatever works.” Nursey laughed and Dex smiled softly, shaking his head slowly. “Um, but did I do something wrong?”

 

Sitting there, looking at Nursey’s big green eyes, Dex realised something.

 

This was his opportunity.

 

He could lie, or fabricate some other story that’s not quite a lie and not quite the truth, or he could open up to Nursey. After all, wasn’t it better to take the chance and know for sure that Derek didn’t want him, than to sit and entertain all of the possibilities?

 

Dex took a deep breath.

 

“Uh, I mean, your hands were on my waist and… I…” He closed his eyes and took another deep breath. “I’m trying to say that I really like you. Like, I want to date the fuck out of you. And you had your hands on my waist and it all became really real and then I realised that I’m not a real enough dude and you would never be interested in me and it was kind of a lot, y’know? It’s hard to realise that there’s someone so close to you and that they’ll never be close enough. And I get it, so don’t feel bad, you can’t control what you’re attracted to, but I guess I just had a moment where I wished that it could–”

 

He stopped speaking he felt fingertips pressing against his lips, silencing his ramblings. He was about to be outraged before he looked up and saw the tears rolling down Nursey’s face, his eyes red and filled with an expression he didn’t understand.

 

“Dex. You are so beautiful. You are wonderful and amazing and beautiful and I don’t want you to doubt yourself for even a second because you are the most incredible person I’ve ever met. You’re perfect and gorgeous regardless of what’s in your pants. I’m in love with your brain and your body no matter how it looks because I’m in love with you. I want to date the fuck out of you too.” He moved his hand so he wasn’t covering Dex’s mouth, sucking in a deep breath when Dex’s tongue instinctively poked out to wet his lips.

 

“You’re in love with me?” Is the only sentence he manages to get out after a minute or more stumbling over words.

 

“If that’s okay with you?”

 

“Fuck yeah it is.”

 

“Then yes. William J Poindexter, I am in love with you.”

 

“Kiss me.”

 

And he did. Derek used one hand to pull Will’s face closer to his own and pressed their lips together, gently at first, taking the time to map out the ridges of his face and the way that their noses fit together, and then deeper, wanting more of Dex’s mouth against his and grinning into the kiss when Dex’s fingers gripped at the waist of his shirt.

 

Dex doesn’t really remember when they stopped kissing and just sat together, him sat in Nursey’s lap as he trailed his fingers over his chest slowly, tracing the hills and valleys of his abs with a small grin. He looked up and noticed that Nursey had that face he would make whenever he was thinking about something that mattered to him, and he poked his chest gently.

 

“What are you thinking about?” His roaming hand laid solidly on Nursey’s stomach and his eyebrows furrowed as he looked up at him, trying to understand the slight change in his expression before he spoke.

 

“I was just wondering how I got this lucky.” He laughed when Dex pretended to vomit at the sickly cliche line he was trying to use. “Actually I was about to say that I’ve never really dated a trans person before and that I’m probably going to mess up. I’ll do my best I promise, but I need you to promise that you’ll talk to me if there’s anything I’m doing wrong or anything I could be doing better, okay?”

 

“Yeah, of course. I’ve never been very good at talking but I’ll work it out. It’s the only way we can make this work I guess. Same for you though, if there’s anything you need me to do differently or anything I mess up, please let me know, I’ll do my best no matter what.” He placed a gentle kiss to his sternum and smiled into the fabric of his shirt. “Also, who said we were dating?”

 

“Huh?” Nursey looked down at him suddenly, a small frown overtaking the peaceful agreeable expression and Dex wanted to laugh at how cute it was.

 

“You never actually asked me to date you.” He grinned and then yelped as Nursey jumped up, sending him tumbling to the floor.

 

“Go sit on the top bunk.” He instructed, watching Dex stand up and give him an indignant look.

 

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

 

“Okay, I’m sorry Dexy. Can you please sit on the top bunk for me?” Dex grumbled something to himself but complied, moving to sit on the top of their bed and wondering just what Nursey had planned.

 

He watched with amusement as Nursey opened their bedroom door and got out his phone before he started to play classical music as loudly as he could, kneeling on the floor and calling up to him.

 

“Vivian! Vivian! Princess Vivian! Come down!” Dex immediately understood what he was doing and laughed, looking over the edge with a stupid grin and trying not to notice when all of the other boys in the Haus turned up at the door. The whole team had watched Pretty Woman a few months beforehand, drinking and smoking and having a debate at the end over the ethics of the film. Nursey knew that Dex loved the film, and as much as he tried to deny it, he loved it too. He sent a wink to the boys who were at the door, Chowder and Holster already had their phones out to record whatever monstrosity Nursey was about to pull off. He climbed halfway up the ladder that they used to get onto the top bunk, and Dex followed his lead, climbing halfway down it to meet him in the middle.

 

“So what happened after he climbed up the tower and rescued him?” Nursey was trying to be serious and brooding as he asked, his nose less than an inch from Dex’s, but they both giggled softly at that moment.

 

“He rescues him right back.” Dex held his chin up and focused himself, answering resolutely and looking down his nose at Nursey. They broke their focus after a second and started making out sloppily, using one hand each to hold onto the ladder and the other hand to hold one another’s faces, making a mess of tongues and lips. Nursey eventually slipped and nearly crashed to the ground, but Dex reached out and caught him around the waist, pulling him back up with a grin. “You’re a dork, Derek Nurse.”

 

“And you’re a party pooper, William Poindexter.” He grinned back at him. “Will you go out with me?”

 

“You’re terrible at this.”

 

“Will! Stop being an ass and just say you’ll be my boyfriend.” He scrunched up his nose at Dex who nodded and kissed his cheek.

 

“You’ll be my boyfriend.” He mocked, though Derek pulled him close and placed kisses all over his face.

 

“That answer works for me.”

 

“Good.” 

  
Bitty would have been upset that he wasn’t at the Haus that weekend if he weren’t so proud of his boys.

**Author's Note:**

> Come chat with me on tumblr at miscgays!


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